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STRANGE BUT TRUE !

Browsing Old Cemeteries

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries...

Some fascinating things on old tombstones!

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :

Born 1903--Died 1942.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the

car was on the way down. It was.

=============================

In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no

place to go.

=============================

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in

East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The

Good Die Young.

=============================

In a London , England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid

but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

=============================

In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread, And

the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace

wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.

===============================

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon him

for not rising.

===============================

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

==============================

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

================================

A lawyer's epitaph in England :

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,

and that is Strange.

=================================

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,

England , cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,

Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

==================================

In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went

out of tune.

==================================

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls ,

Vermont :

Here lies the body of our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,

Massachusetts :

Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod.

Pease shelled out and went to God.

==================================

In a cemetery in England :

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I

As I am now, so shall you be.

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent.

Until I know which way you went.

Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there

any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what?

Well, not as great as Guam !)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of???)

(Did our government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this, if you need to reach me in the future I will be in Guam !!!!!!

Things Got Ya Down?

Well Then, Consider These . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to
why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling
Better?

The year is 1907.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. Statistics for the Year 1907 :
************************************

The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. Had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City
Cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more
Heavily populated than California.

With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st
Most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in the U.S. Was 22 Cents per hour.

The average U.S. Worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year,
A dentist made $2,500 per year,
A veterinarian $1,500 per year,
And a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. Took place at HOME .

Ninety percent of all U.S. Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month , and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
Entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in the U.S. Were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and
Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 U.S. Adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over
The counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists
Said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian
Of health."

There were about 230 reported Murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
Now I sent it to you and others all over the United States, Possibly the world, in a matter of just Seconds !!!!!!!!!

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman
from Illinois was examined in a hospital.
During the examination, an asthma
inhaler fell from under her armpit, a
dime was found under one of her
breasts and a remote control was
found lodged between the folds
of her vulva. eeewwwww.....

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In
Michigan, a man came into the ER
with! lacerations to his penis. He
complained that his wife had "...a
rat in her privates..." which bit him
during sex (not the first conclusion I
would have drawn, I don't think).
After an examination of his wife, it
was revealed that she had a surgical
needle left inside her after a recent
hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20
year old man came into the ER with
a stony mass in his rectum. He said
that he and his boyfriend were
fooling around with concrete mix,
when his boyfriend had the idea of
pouring the mix into his anus using
a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!.
The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t
Sherlock!), causing constipation and
pain. Under general anesthesia, a
perfect concrete cast of the man's
rectum was removed along with a
ping pong ball. (Boy - we live
sheltered lives!)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk
staggered into a Pennsylvania
ER complaining of severe pain
while trying to remove his
contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they
always popped back in. A nurse
tried to help using a suction pump,
but without success. Finally, a
doctor examined him and discovered
the man did not have his contact
lenses in at all. He had been trying
to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
(Oh my gosh!!!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A
couple hobbled into a Washington
State emergency room covered in bloody
restaurant towels. The man had his hands
around his abdomen and the woman had
hers around her head. They eventually
explained to doctors that they had gone
out that evening for a romantic dinner.
Overcome with passion, the woman crept
under the table to administer oral sex to the
man (Classy or what??). While in the act,
she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to
clamp down on the man's penis and wrench
it from side to side. In agony and desperation,
the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in
the head until she let go

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of! thumb"
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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
-------------------------------------------
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
-------------------------------------------
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
-------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
-------------------------------------------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
-------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
-------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
--------------------------------------------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
--------------------------------------------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
---------------------------------------------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. On which day are there more collect calls made than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase........ "goodnight, sleep tight."
---------------------------------------------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down. "It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's".

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Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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Weird funny place names

Would you like to live here? These are names of actual locations:

Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Bastard (Norway)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Chinaman's Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Cunt (Spain)
Cunter (Switzerland)
Dikshit (India)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
Effin (Limerick, Ireland)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Tittybong (Australia)
Tong Fuk (Japan)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Wank (Germany)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wankum (Germany)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

UNDER CONSTRUCTION